


The One Where Bucky Gets Told About All the Stupid Things Steve's Done

by SilverMyfanwy



Series: One Spiderkid and his Clan [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Tower, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Competition, Crying, Domestic Avengers, Good Peter, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, this was so much fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-06 08:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18846907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMyfanwy/pseuds/SilverMyfanwy
Summary: In which Bucky finds out about all the reckless things Steve has got up to over the years and the Avengers have a competition to see who can shock him the most.





	The One Where Bucky Gets Told About All the Stupid Things Steve's Done

**Author's Note:**

> We've all seen the memes of Bucky's reaction to being told about Steve jumping out of a plane, or crashing the plane, or jumping on the grenade.  
> Well, I wrote a whole fic of that.  
> Enjoy!

They arrived back at the Tower and as soon as people had dispersed, Bucky pinned Sam against a wall and stared him in the eye. “Explain.”

“Explain what?”

“What did you mean about Steve in connection with Peter doing reckless stuff?” he demanded.

“He jumped out of a plane without a parachute. Twice.” Sam said calmly.

“Of all the reckless, irresponsible things- why did he do it?” Bucky yelled.

Sam shrugged. “You’ll have to ask him.”

“Oh, I will.” Bucky promised. “Don’t you worry.”

-

“STEVE ROGERS!” Bucky roared. “Why in the name of all things good and holy did you jump out of a plane without a parachute _twice_?”

Steve froze.

“Answer me!”

“I’m not actually entirely sure.” Steve said quietly, avoiding eye contact.

“Of all the stupid, reckless-” Bucky threw is hands in the air and walked out of the room.

-

21st century tech meant that it was possible for Tony and Bruce to run tests on Bucky’s serum and work out how close HYDRA’s serum had got to the one Steve had. During one set of blood test results, a set of information on Steve’s dose of the serum was up on one of the screens in the lab. Whilst Tony and Bruce were having an argument with one of Tony’s ridiculous pet robots, Bucky read through the information.

“Tony,” he called out.

“Yeah?”

“Is this the- is this the stuff about when Steve got given the serum?” Bucky checked.

“Yeah. Why?”

Bucky got out of his chair. “They didn’t test the serum before they gave it to him.”

“Did you not know that?” Tony asked.

“No. Steve never told me.”

Tony grinned. “He never told you?”

But Bucky had already left the lab and was on his way to find Steve.

“Wait for it.” Bruce said under his breath.

They waited for 13 seconds, then heard it.

“You signed up for an untested government science experiment and _didn’t think to tell me you were their only lab rat_  Steve Rogers we need to have a conversation about communication!"

-

Steve and Bucky were not present at the next team meeting that took place. They’d been sent some files that needed to be looked at ‘urgently’, courtesy of Natasha, and Sam was making the most of it.

“So it turns out that Barnes doesn’t know about most of the things Steve got up to both before and after the ice.” Sam said, grinning mischievously.

“What are you suggesting?” Wanda asked. The mischievous grin was proving infectious.

“I think it’s about time we had a competition.” Sam said.

Everyone sat up slightly straighter. Clint rubbed his hands together with glee. “What sort of competition?”

“Points. Whoever can get the best reactions out of Barnes by telling him something ridiculous Steve’s done gets the most points. When we run out of things to tell Barnes we’ll announce a winner.”

“I’m in.” Tony said immediately.

The others called out or nodded their agreement and the competition began.

-

A few days later, Clint and Bucky were walking down a road in the old part of Brooklyn on the way back from trying pizza at a new restaurant before Fury did- their own private contest with him.

“So you and Steve grew up around here, huh?” Clint asked. “Bet it’s changed.”

Bucky nodded. “Houses still in the same places, just different houses.”

“Do you recognize much of it?”

“Some. It feels posher now.”

“That’s coz the white girls invaded.” Clint paused, then continued when he saw the confused look on Bucky’s face. “I’ll explain later.”

“OK. You been here before?”

“Came here with Steve once, actually.” Clint slipped his hands into his pockets.

Bucky glanced at Clint out of the corner of his eye, slightly warily.

“Stark sent us for coffee.” Clint explained hastily.

“I was gonna ask if your wife knew.” Bucky muttered.

Clint scowled and elbowed him good-naturedly. Bucky bit back a grin.

Bucky continued. “Stark sent you for coffee from Manhattan?”

“We were getting on his nerves. Anyway, when I was here with Steve, he said he’d got into fights in every alley on this street.” Clint said casually.

Bucky stopped walking and started turning his head to look at the alleyways. “Every alleyway?”

“Yep.”

“He never told- I thought it was only seven of these.” Bucky said, confused. “He- four extra fights? Really?”

Clint shrugged. “I wasn’t there. I just know what he said.”

They got back to the Tower and found Steve and Nat chatting in the common area. Bucky walked straight up to Steve. “Clint says you got into a fight in every alleyway on that street where the hardware store used to be.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah.”

“Then how come I didn’t know about four of those fights?” Bucky demanded.

Steve blushed. “I, uh, hid two of ‘em, lied about one and just managed to avoid you while I was recovrin’ from the other one.”

Bucky was furious. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t wanna worry you. Or get you mad.”

“What was the one you lied about?”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “That was the one where I said I broke my ribs falling down the stairs. Josh Beale and his gang beat me up.”

“That was what that was?” Bucky was horrified. “Stevie you imbecile, why did you pick a fight with him? He was three times the size of you!”

Clint and Nat slipped out of the room, snickering, leaving Steve to explain himself to Bucky.

“You get four points for that.” Nat said.

“Thanks.”

The competition was well and truly on.

-

Peter and Wanda were found at the dining table the next morning, making a scoreboard. It took up the whole table and had drawings of each competitor next to their name with boxes to put their score in.

Tony mounted it on the wall for them and then they hid behind a counter so they could see Steve’s reaction when he spotted the scoreboard.

They didn’t have to wait long.

“’Who can get the best reaction out of Bucky by telling him reckless things Steve’s done’” Steve read out. His eyebrows furrowed. “WHO DID THIS?”

Steve had no problem locating the culprits as they burst into cackles of laughter barely three seconds after he finished talking.

-

“Aha! Bucky!”

Bucky looked up from his book and frowned at the sight of Tony walking in and rubbing his hands together gleefully. “Stark.” Bucky said flatly.

“Are you aware of how many rules, regulations and laws Steve’s broken?”

Bucky froze. “What’s he done?”

“Hold on just a moment.” Tony dashed out of the room, leaving Bucky expecting the worst, then sauntered back in with a large notebook and the audacity to whistle.

“What is that?” Bucky asked warily.

“I made a list!” Tony waved the notebook over his head triumphantly, sat down next to Bucky and opened the notebook to page one. “We’ll start with his time in the army…”

-

Two hours later, Bucky marched into the gym and threw the notebook at Steve and Clint, who were wrestling.

“What was that for?” Clint demanded. “And what is this?”

“A list of every rule Steve’s ever broken, rules are there for a reason you buffoon!”

-

“Mr Stark and Mr Parker have requested your presence on a trip with them to the Smithsonian.” Jarvis told Bucky.

Bucky frowned. “Why?”

“They want to show you the Captain America exhibit. They think you’ll enjoy it more now that you’re yourself again.”

Bucky paused. “Do they have any of my old stuff there?”

“I believe so.”

“If I ask for it, will they give it back?”

“Possibly.”

Bucky did not want to go. He hated what he remembered of the exhibit.

“Mr Parker says ‘pretty please will you come’.” Jarvis reported.

Bucky scowled. “Fine.”

-

“Does he still not know about the competition?” Tony asked Peter as they waited for Bucky.

Peter shook his head gleefully. “No. Wanda’s been hiding the scoreboard every time he goes in the kitchen.”

“How?”

“Magic.”

Bucky rounded the corner with a baseball cap hiding his face. “Why’re we goin’?”

“I really want you to see the Captain America exhibit.” Peter said.

“That’s what Jarvis told me.” Bucky said dryly. “What’s the real reason?”

Peter and Tony exchanged a look. Tony took a deep breath. “There are some things we think you need to see.”

-

Bucky stared at the display; lips pursed, hands in pockets.

Tony and Peter had retreated to a safe distance away, but still close enough that they would be able to see his reaction.

Bucky was silent for a long time.

“You alright there Buckarro?” Tony called out eventually.

“I married an idiot.”

-

“I went to the Smithosonian today.” Bucky announced at dinner. 

Steve, who was sitting next to him, stared at the wall and began to sweat slightly.

“Yeah?” Pepper said encouragingly. “Did you have a good time?”

Bucky nodded. "They gave me some of my stuff back."

“Me and Mr Stark took him.” Peter added.

“We went to the Captain America exhibit.” Bucky slowly turned to look at Steve, who was still staring at the wall and sweating even more now. “You never told me you jumped on a grenade.”

Steve didn’t move an inch.

Bucky glared at him so much it was a miracle he didn’t spontaneously combust. “So it’s true, then?”

Steve gave the tiniest nod possible.

“I married an idiot.” Bucky said, for the second time that day. “A noble idiot, but an idiot.”

Steve smiled weakly. He looked rather relieved. Bucky caught onto this.

“I ain’t let you off the hook yet. I’m just waitin’ ‘til after dinner to yell at you.”

Steve’s shoulders sagged. “Why’d you have to take him to the Smithsonian?” he asked Tony.

The others all burst out laughing.

-

Peter and Tony got three points each.

-

Steve had not expected to find Bucky crying on the sofa. “What’s wrong? What did they tell you I did?”

“They didn’t tell me anything.” Bucky wiped his nose with his sleeve and sniffed. “Don’t worry.”

Steve sat on the opposite end of the sofa to Bucky. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m scared and it’s a lot.”

Steve frowned. “What’s a lot and why're you scared?”

“All this new information, all these facts and stories and all these things you did that I didn’t know about.”

“Why are you scared?”

“Because I love you and you do dangerous things.”

“So do you.”

Bucky glared at Steve and he hung his head. “Sorry.”

“S’alright.”

Bucky walked over to Steve and curled into his side. “I’m scared I’ll loose you one day. That you’ll do something real dangerous or real stupid and you won’t come back.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve whispered.

“You’re not.” Bucky said gently. “I know you aren’t.”

Steve didn’t say anything.

“I can’t ask you to stop it coz doing stupid, dangerous things is part of who you are and I can’t ask you to change that.”

Steve began to cry with him.

“One thing.” Bucky said slowly. “Next time you do something stupid or dangerous, remember that I love you.”

Steve held Bucky in his arms and wept.

After a while, he dried his eyes. “They still haven’t told you the worst stuff yet.”

Bucky groaned. “Oh come on!”

-

“You know Steve used to work for SHIELD, don’t you?” Nat and Bucky were painting each other’s nails and drinking beer in Nat’s living room.

Bucky nodded.

“Did he tell you ‘bout the time they tried to go for him?”

Bucky tipped his head back and groaned. “What did he do?”

“When they were trying to get him, they all piled into this lift with him and they thought that they would have a chance to immobolise him if it was loads of them in a small space up against him. He had the shield. SHIELD’s best attacked him, he beat them all then, jumped out of the lift and went on the run.” Nat had a huge grin on her face.

Bucky sighed and put his head in his hands. “I don’t know whether to be proud of him or cry.”

Nat cackled.

-

Nat also got the next reaction out of Bucky, a couple of days later when they were testing new gear. They were tossing knives back and forth in one of Tony’ workshops whilst he worked on a new helmet for Steve.

“You know Steve’s first helmet was one he nicked from a USO showgirl costume?” Nat said casually.

Bucky threw his knives into the wall and threw his hands in the air. “He went into battle in that thing!” he then walked out of the room yelling blue murder in Russian.

-

Tony was currently top of the scoreboard with 9, closely followed by Nat on 7, then Clint with 4 and Peter with 3. It was close, but they were running out of stories and Nat and Tony were both out to win.

-

“No, no, no, no, no.” Sam folded his arms. “No way. Why is he being allowed to do that, it’s a terrible idea!”

Bucky frowned. “I thought Steve was fine with the press. Why’s it a terrible idea?”

“Last three times he did press or politics he got into arguments with really important people and offended most of them.”

“Like who?”

Sam got out his phone and showed Bucky a list of people Steve had fallen out with. Bucky’s eyebrows went further and further up his forehead the further he got down the list. “Why’d he- I don’t even want to know.”

“How do you feel about doing press instead?” Sam asked.

Bucky looked at Steve, eyebrows raised. “However bad you think Steve is, I’d be worse.”

Bucky looked at the list for a bit longer. “He yelled at who? STEVE!”

-

Bucky loved watching Avenger press conferences.

Coincidentally, this ended up being how Nat won the competition.

Bucky was in the common room one Wednesday morning, watching some interview done after the Triskellion incicdent. Nat was telling the press about Bucky’s fight with Steve. Bucky remembered some of it, but one thing he had not remembered was Steve dropping his shield.

Nat was answering a question about why Steve had dropped the shield and she came up with some answer about Steve trying to pacify the Winter Soldier by removing his weapons, even though Steve had dropped the shield for other reasons, but Bucky didn’t really care. In fact, he cared so little that he didn’t even try to find Steve before yelling at him.

“STEVE ROGERS YOU MUTTONHEAD WHY DID YOU DROP YOUR SHIELD IT WAS YOUR ONLY WEAPON YOU LUNATIC HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID AND IRRESPONSIBLE DIDN’T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING ABOUT FIGHTING WHAT IF THE-” the tirade carried on for quite a long time and got more and more colourful, particularly when Steve had the guts to enter the room and get the yelling to his face.

Nat got six points and was declared the official winner as no one could think of anything else to tell Bucky about.

And somehow, they still managed to keep the competition a secret from him.

-

By the next morning, normality had resumed and Bucky completely forgave Steve after finding out that he dropped the shield because he couldn’t bear to loose Bucky again.  
The entire team was gathered in the kitchen eating breakfast. A game of poker was taking place in French at one end of the table, a conversation on bio-mechanics at the other.

It was just another normal morning.

Then JARVIS spoke. “Mr Stark, this is your reminder to ask Peter about the trip.”

Peter frowned. “What trip?”

“I’ve got a business trip next week.” Tony explained. “The big engineering conference in Minneapolis, Engineering the Future, you’ve heard of it?”

Peter nodded, eyes wide. “Have I ever.”

“Well, how’d you fancy going with me?”


End file.
